October

October.....

So many emotions that come to mind when I think of October. I find it to be a beautiful month, warm (ish) days and cool nights, the smell of wood fires, sound of leaves crunching under boots. And the colors...well the vibrant yellows, deep oranges, and garnet reds are everywhere. It is like nature's
spectacular finale, one last song before the world goes cold and gray.

October....

I think of this month in fondness and in fear. Fondness because the excitement of Halloween and tricks or treats. The cooler air ushering a new stage of life. Fear because November is knocking. I hate November. November is death.


Sometimes I wish I could close my eyes and go back...October 2008 and say things I wish I would have said. To watch time a bit closer, to love longer, to celebrate, to feel the warmth of a smile, and even the coolness of a criticism. To not know the emptiness or the pain. To maybe believe that in the end it would be different. To hug one last time. To confess and to cry. To be told the truth from the one person it meant the most from. To be a daughter and her student.

October...the last month before it all came too real.